Sunday, April 3, 2011

Introducing Author Dréa Riley

Why I Am NOT Allowed WeaponsThe short answer?

Jayha says I can't.

However, if you ask her, she will say "Unless you: have disposable amounts of cash are willing to provide unlimited valid alibis; can bring Cochran back from the dead on retainer and are willing to sit for numerous sermons and ass-chewings, I suggest you refrain from giving the Texan any weapons. Should you meet those qualifications and I at anytime have to break my sister out of any sort of prison, especially a foreign one, and she then has to begin living a life on the run, I will break my entire foot and the foots of several ninjas off in your entire ass. What’s that, you don't understand? Well, let me ask you this, can you whip my ass? If not I suggest you kiss my ass and don't give her anything that can be a weapon. IF you can whip my ass can you out run a bullet? I didn't think so, the answer is no."

Now y'all may be looking at that li'l speech with your mouths open.
"Drea why you exaggerating?" I am not exaggerating I’ve heard her give that speech. That chic means that more than Obama meant "yes, we can"

The Jeanie says I am allowed. Obviously, she too is biased in her love for me. I am after all The Baby Gurl. But, The Jeanie also unabashedly displays her blood lust.

"If they believe so fiercely, then what have you done to deserve such a vehement response?"

Nothing. It wasn’t me, AND IF BY CHANCE, HYPOTHETICLY SPEAKING IT WAS ME, you can't prove it. I am always where I was supposed to be doing things that are perfectly innocent and legal. *smirking*

I have been accused of allegedly being a menace to society,(Shara says I goaded pharaoh into the starting the plague and teased Attila into become the Hun, Tempted Napoleon into the Russian Winter) being unruly and wild. I don't know where people get these idea (it's not my fault they left me to my own devices in Mexico). I mean like most native born southerners and surely in the same spirit as my entire home state, I just don’t' take shit. I learned to shoot and ride before I could really form complete sentences. I learned the value of a well timed bird flip right about the same time. My first word was four letters and my first full sentence roughly translated from Choctaw was I wish you would.
My first sentence in English was so filled with explicatives that an entire mission group fainted right there in the 'amen' pew.

I firmly believe that if I had hypothetically committed any of the alleged acts then there was a very good reason for my doing so.

People tend to let my jovial zest for life fool them into a false sense of security. I am what they think I am. It's a glamour, a facade, a mask. They rarely see the stealth, intelligence, anger, vulnerability. If they do they convince themselves otherwise. *shrugs*
Make no difference to me.

Two of my favorite quotes are "the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was making the world believe he didn't exist" and "I’ve never done/said anything that didn't need doing or saying"

I am all that you see and hear if that makes you comfortable.
I am also everything that you hope you didn't really glimpse. I am all that scares you. Makes you look over your shoulder and wonder.

And that's why I'm not allowed to have weapons. Because allegedly, I might just be dangerous enough already.
I think that a lot of our worldly problems come from trying to classify folks as one thing or another instead of just recognizing them as folks to begin with. —Drea Riley

Dréa’s listings at Beautiful Trouble Publishing:

Dréa’s Author Bio:

Dréa Riley can always be found one of two favorite places; the kitchen or the computer. A relaxing time for her would be concocting a delicious dish while connecting with her coterie online. Whenever something off the wall happens, Dréa will most likely be found in the middle of it, trying to look innocent and usually failing. With a heart bigger than the Grand Canyon and a mouth more lethal than an injection, this diva might save the world and cuss it out at the same time. This steak-loving sister always finds a way to juggle work, reading, and sleep. She channels the support from her family, friends, and fans into her sitcom lifestyle and stories.