Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Introducing Author Billy London

Between a Spank and a Hard Place

When I say there's a skill to a good spank, I'm not just writing to amuse Nevea Lane. There be method to my madness. One of my favourite things about men is their hands. Hands are always a good indication for what you'll find in the trouser department; moreover, I want to see if it's a broad, slap my bottom silly type palm. Hard, calloused, raw, rough and capable of turning brown skin red. It's doable, believe me!

I did wander in the wilderness for a while, bereft of a good smack. I was sad. I was blue. I suffered with men who would hesitantly state ‘well not too hard, she's only five foot three and a bit’ and the even worse ‘I'm not comfortable with this really but as she pulled on my balls until I agreed, I'll doing it.’

I wanted to throw them out of the nearest window into the street where the next available truck would run them over for being so lame. What's so wrong about it? Make that jelly shake! I mean, dude, you know that thing I do when I have an orgasm, and you think you're going to lose your member because I'm squeezing so hard? Yeah, give me a good meaningful spank on either butt cheek with your palm and you'll get a preview, if not a whole damn encore when you're finished.

I'm not going to go all Freud and explain why I like it. That's not important. What is, is finding a man worthy of alternating styles of spanking. The swipe smack with the stinging tips of the fingers, or the clapping kneading-dough-with-your-globes smack or the best open handed-what-I'd-do-if-I-was-in-a-soap-opera with both hands slap! That's why God gave man two hands! —to spank his woman good and proper. A brilliant spanker will be intuitive as to how hard to do it–he'll read the resulting yelps from 'not bad' to 'getting there' to 'praise be!' to 'where's my gun?' Oh lord yes! That rush of sensation combined with the depth of rhythm you only get with length and girth guarantees that I start speaking in tongues... I freaking live for moments like that.

Don't worry, no one's hurt me. I haven't recalled any bad memories from some horrible school with the cane and I haven't reported anyone for assault. If I'm asking, begging, pleading, waving my bottom in a man's face he needs to take up that invitation pretty damn quick or jog on. I want it! So do it! For the love of mercy, spank that ass!

I'm going to get myself a glass of water and calm down. Next time, paddles!

Billy’s listings at Beautiful Trouble Publishing:

Billy’s Author Bio:

Ah, poor Billy. The only girl between two boys who each have nearly a foot on her. Didn't stop her from starting physical fights with them. She still thinks she can take them. So while she used to hide away in her wardrobe to read a book or four, she started to question why the heroines in those books would just lie there and take it. No, not just sex, but downright James-Bond-backhand-slapping, do-as-you're-told-woman, inappropriate lie there and take it.

She couldn't understand it. These women were just playing that mental woman from Coming to America, Miss “Whatever You Like” who barked like a dog and hopped on one foot. Billy didn't want to do that. Definitely not because one empty-headed fool with different anatomy told her to. So she started to create characters and worlds where the women could own their sexuality, their intelligence, their right to turn around and say “jog on, mate” without apology.

The small problem was that other people wanted to read what she was had written. “Er...why?” didn't cut it as an answer. After years of prodding and pleading and come on and for goodness’ sake, what's the point otherwise, she closed her eyes and pressed “submit.” Actually, she had Prosecco, limencello and white wine, then pressed “submit.” Who would have thought people would actually enjoy reading about the crazy characters who live in her head? But they have done, and Billy feels rather proud of that connection with her fellow man.

Billy lives in London with the most patient family in the world and doesn't forget for a minute how lucky she is. Well, she wouldn't mind a BBC adaptation of one of her novels... Ooh, with Richard Armitage!

Friday, March 11, 2011

Introducing Author Shara Azod

Driving is Dangerous

Save a Life- seriously. Follow these simple tips and pass them on and YOU could be saving a life.

Do not cut me off, get in front of me, and then slow down, because if you do I will follow you home and burn every car in a five mile radius just in case one of your neighbors even think of letting you drive their car because yours is a smoldering torch

Do not ride up on my bumper—go around, because I will slow down, then when you do move over I will get in front of you and slow down.

If you are driving under the speed limit, get the fruck out of the fast lane; I am serious because I will take you out slowly and without mercy.

Take the keys away from grandma and grandpa. I mean for real. If they are 157, they don’t need to be on the road, you should be running their errands or taking them where they want to go. If you don’t I am coming after you, not the grands.

Truckers are assholes. I don’t care if they are your spouse, brother, sister, daddy, cousin on your mother’s uncle’s sister’s step-brother’s side, they are assholes and it won’t be bananas I stick in their tail pipe.

Dear Mr./Ms. FBI, NSA, Secret Service or other law enforcement person, these are not real threats, it is irony. I am being sarcastic to work out my frustrations. I have no intention of purposefully doing anyone any serious bodily harm. I am merciful after all. And nice.

One more thing: If you have to put nuts
on your truck, this signifies you have none, which makes me more man than you'll ever be and more woman than you'll ever have. Go home, hide your face, or I will dominate you. I just might anyway.

Jeanie and Jayha comment 1: Dear Mr./Ms. Law Enforcement Agent/Entity. What she said…except, neither of us would go so far as to say she is “nice.” That part of her post is what we in the south call a ‘Damn Lie.’

Jeanie and Jayha comment 2: Dear Truckers. We’re not involved in her comments. We love the “Smoky and the Bandit” movies. Thank you.

Shara’s listings at Beautiful Trouble Publishing:

Shara Azod Bio:
Shara is the first one to admit she is a little off. Her favorite movies are Steel Magnolias and Apocalypse Now, with a little Godfather and Animal House thrown in for fun. When not planning to take over the world, or re-fighting the world’s greatest battles in her mind, she can usually be found having deep and meaningful conversations with her kids (11 & 8) about the meaning of life or trying to talk her husband into buying her weapons—just in case of Armageddon.

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Introducing Author Janet Eckford

The Look

I periodically peruse poetry to lure my muse out of hiding. There is something so simple and yet deliciously erotic about a well written poem. I love the rhythm and cadence of the words that when spoken aloud causes the tongue to move in a slow languid pace that makes me think of all the other fun things the tongue can be used for.

I also love a poem that captures those sexy secret moments that people can have with each other. The soft caress of your lover’s hand on yours in a crowded room or when you press your lips together in greeting but hello is more than what you’re saying. But if I’m a sucker for anything, it’s the look one shares with another, that speaks volumes more than any words could express.

I found such a poem the other day by Sara Teasdale called “The Look”. I was initially beguiled by the peppy little flutter of the words strung together, until the end when smack, I was hit with imagery that suggested a look can often be more powerful than any kiss you can have. I shivered at the thought of the looks I’ve given and received over the years and my muse immediately clamored for attention.

“We need to write something like that,” she whispered.

I’m going to get right too it but first I’d be interested in knowing what your “look” dear reader has been and if the memory of it stays with you far longer than the implication of the act that may have followed.

Here is the poem. Copyright © 1997 - 2011 by Academy of American Poets

Strephon kissed me in the spring,
Robin in the fall,
But Colin only looked at me
And never kissed at all.
Strephon's kiss was lost in jest,
Robin's lost in play,
But the kiss in Colin's eyes
Haunts me night and day.

Janet’s listings at Beautiful Trouble Publishing:

Janet Eckford Bio:
Like most great superheroes (or super-villains, depending on who’s telling the story) Janet Eckford lives a double life. By day Janet is a mild-mannered crusader for justice (or nefarious deeds, depending on who’s telling the story) and by night an indestructible creator of prose (or pathological liar, depending on who’s telling the story) while munching on her favorite cookies—oatmeal raisin. A native West Coaster who hails from the sunny state of California Janet, has loved the romance genre ever since she convinced her dad it was required reading when she was eleven. Janet believes love shouldn’t have a color code and strives to create stories that represent that belief.

Send her your praise and adoration and she will return it in kind.