Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Introducing Author Billy London

Between a Spank and a Hard Place

When I say there's a skill to a good spank, I'm not just writing to amuse Nevea Lane. There be method to my madness. One of my favourite things about men is their hands. Hands are always a good indication for what you'll find in the trouser department; moreover, I want to see if it's a broad, slap my bottom silly type palm. Hard, calloused, raw, rough and capable of turning brown skin red. It's doable, believe me!

I did wander in the wilderness for a while, bereft of a good smack. I was sad. I was blue. I suffered with men who would hesitantly state ‘well not too hard, she's only five foot three and a bit’ and the even worse ‘I'm not comfortable with this really but as she pulled on my balls until I agreed, I'll doing it.’

I wanted to throw them out of the nearest window into the street where the next available truck would run them over for being so lame. What's so wrong about it? Make that jelly shake! I mean, dude, you know that thing I do when I have an orgasm, and you think you're going to lose your member because I'm squeezing so hard? Yeah, give me a good meaningful spank on either butt cheek with your palm and you'll get a preview, if not a whole damn encore when you're finished.

I'm not going to go all Freud and explain why I like it. That's not important. What is, is finding a man worthy of alternating styles of spanking. The swipe smack with the stinging tips of the fingers, or the clapping kneading-dough-with-your-globes smack or the best open handed-what-I'd-do-if-I-was-in-a-soap-opera with both hands slap! That's why God gave man two hands! —to spank his woman good and proper. A brilliant spanker will be intuitive as to how hard to do it–he'll read the resulting yelps from 'not bad' to 'getting there' to 'praise be!' to 'where's my gun?' Oh lord yes! That rush of sensation combined with the depth of rhythm you only get with length and girth guarantees that I start speaking in tongues... I freaking live for moments like that.

Don't worry, no one's hurt me. I haven't recalled any bad memories from some horrible school with the cane and I haven't reported anyone for assault. If I'm asking, begging, pleading, waving my bottom in a man's face he needs to take up that invitation pretty damn quick or jog on. I want it! So do it! For the love of mercy, spank that ass!

I'm going to get myself a glass of water and calm down. Next time, paddles!

Billy’s listings at Beautiful Trouble Publishing:

Billy’s Author Bio:

Ah, poor Billy. The only girl between two boys who each have nearly a foot on her. Didn't stop her from starting physical fights with them. She still thinks she can take them. So while she used to hide away in her wardrobe to read a book or four, she started to question why the heroines in those books would just lie there and take it. No, not just sex, but downright James-Bond-backhand-slapping, do-as-you're-told-woman, inappropriate lie there and take it.

She couldn't understand it. These women were just playing that mental woman from Coming to America, Miss “Whatever You Like” who barked like a dog and hopped on one foot. Billy didn't want to do that. Definitely not because one empty-headed fool with different anatomy told her to. So she started to create characters and worlds where the women could own their sexuality, their intelligence, their right to turn around and say “jog on, mate” without apology.

The small problem was that other people wanted to read what she was had written. “Er...why?” didn't cut it as an answer. After years of prodding and pleading and come on and for goodness’ sake, what's the point otherwise, she closed her eyes and pressed “submit.” Actually, she had Prosecco, limencello and white wine, then pressed “submit.” Who would have thought people would actually enjoy reading about the crazy characters who live in her head? But they have done, and Billy feels rather proud of that connection with her fellow man.

Billy lives in London with the most patient family in the world and doesn't forget for a minute how lucky she is. Well, she wouldn't mind a BBC adaptation of one of her novels... Ooh, with Richard Armitage!


  1. blinks rapidly...go over there to your corner away from me billy! Freak!! LMAO Good JOB CHICA!

  2. I second drea. Crosses. Stay away. lol. Great job! Hella funny.

  3. I have read both stories by Billy and I must say I have enjoyed them to last click on my Kindle. The writing is refreshing and LOL funny. I'm a GA Peach right off the tree but I was rolling at how funny and witty the dialogue was. I love the British humor. Billy gets mad props for having my favorite band: KOL in her book. For that alone I am now her fan. Keep up the good writing and thanks to the BTP family for introducing me to another hot IR author. You ladies lead the pack for real. ENVYNONE!

  4. Wow...um...*fanning myself* Tell us how you really feel;)

  5. LMAO....Billy you are the ish! I love it...

  6. grinning hard...especially knowing how absolutely LIVE the ladies at BTP are.

    Envynone,we're so glad we "convinced" Billy to come over to BTP before we had to resort to the duct tape. Grin.
    Yep, Billy fits right in.